Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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