I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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