currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
