from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize