omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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