her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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