im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
