So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The adults are the big ones right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
