they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
