Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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