Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
