I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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