If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
