dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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