god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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