and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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