Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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