just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
