I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
