If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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