Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
