the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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