you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
