You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
