Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
this is an emotional support booty call
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
