I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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