I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
