hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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