I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
