i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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