And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize