he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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