I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Randomize
