Are we in a gay sports bar?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
