I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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