The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
