So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
