i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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