nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
