I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
