just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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