Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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