Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
