glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
