but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
