Betty ford says i'm here all night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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