remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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