Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
