ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
