just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
