Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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