You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
