I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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