Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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