So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
