He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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