Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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