Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
