I faked an abortion last night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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