we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
