I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
