you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
