Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
