You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
